"The self-hate was the biggest thing. I was lying to myself, and lying to everybody else. My wife couldn't trust me to leave her purse lying around. Now that I've got some help, I have some control back. I still don't like myself all of the time - I'm working on that!"

- Ian

 

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An individual's story: Lynette

I come from a middle class background - I was brought up in a nice suburb and went to a private school. I had a good job, owned my own home and had a great group of friends.

I started going along to the casino with my partner. At the beginning I found it really boring and put money in the pokie machines just to pass the time but within a year we were going constantly, spending all our money - I even started borrowing against my house. In the end we were only leaving the house to go and gamble. Sometimes it was like a black out at weekends - I would come to on a Monday with my bank accounts empty and no food in the house.

Life became about uncontrollable gambling and the stress of trying to make up for the money we'd lost.

I eventually sold my place and we moved to Australia, my partner's country. We thought we could get our lives together there but even though we worked really hard we ended up spending all our money on gambling.

Playing pokies took over my life completely and once I started I couldn't stop. I would play for days at a time, only forcing myself to leave when there was no way to get any more money. It got so bad that I miscarried in the casino and was back the very next day to keep on gambling.

Eventually I left my partner and came back to New Zealand totally broke. I tried to keep away from the pokies, but whenever I had spare time and a bit of money I was back playing them. I was so obsessed with gambling that that was all I really cared about. Even my son missed out on the attention he deserved - I never played with him or read books to him.

The turning point for me was one benefit day when I blew my whole benefit. I got home and it dawned on me that I had no food in the house and nothing left to pay the rent - I could not believe what I had done. Only then did I manage to wake up from my eight year stupor. The next night I rang for some help.

It took a long time to get gambling out of my system but with a number of inner battles and a lot of hard work I managed to get out of the addiction.

I now live in a state house. I no longer own my own home or live the lifestyle I enjoyed before I got caught up in the pokies.

I hate pokies with a vengeance for what they have done to my life.

 
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